About the Interviewee: “Racquel Marie grew up in Southern California where her passion for storytelling of all kinds was encouraged by her friends and big family. She received a BA in English with an emphasis in creative writing and a minor in gender and sexuality studies from the University of California, Irvine” (Bio from author’s Goodreads profile).
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Racquel Marie: Thank you! I’ve dealt with OCD since I was a child and I was in a place where I felt compelled to explore some of the horrors of what it’s like living with such a stigmatized, misrepresented, and pervasive mental illness. When I first started writing this particular story, I hadn’t thought it would deal so heavily with OCD, but for narrative purposes, I considered “what would be the worst thing to give Flora to deal with during an apocalypse like this?” and OCD, especially pertaining to contamination and harm, fit the bill.
RM: I felt more equipped to write the “THEN” chapters because a grounded, contemporary setting is what I’m used to from my other books, but the “NOW” chapters were much more creatively fulfilling since they challenged me to navigate the horror genre and the pacing/tone that entails more. I didn’t necessarily like one more than the other, but they certainly required different skillsets.
RM: For a character like Flora who struggles immensely with seeing her value, purpose, and meaning, it’s almost frustrating to accept that someone may know you fully and love you because of all that you are and not in spite of it. Especially in the present, after Flora has had to “toughen up” to survive and do things she isn’t proud of, accepting Crisanta’s love pushes her toward forgiving herself and opening back up to all of the raw feelings she’s kept at a distance.
RM: Spoilers! But yes, Winnie was always destined for this ending. It felt imperative that some people are on the chopping block in a story/setting like this. I also love playing with tropes in new ways and wanted to position Winnie as an empathic version of “person who hides that they’re infected” because a lot of people, especially kids like herself, would be terrified and not know what to do in this situation. Even if lying was selfish, it was not malicious.
RM: If I’m remembering correctly, my editor was the one that encouraged me to lean into the characters getting a bit of a break in this safe haven. For pacing purposes and after just experiencing what happened with Winnie, giving the characters a moment to reflect on their journey so far and regroup let the story breathe. I also wanted to showcase that even in a world like this one, good people like June would still exist.
RM: Growing up with siblings and many cousins myself, it came pretty naturally to me to write this sort of dynamic. Flora is frustrated that Cain isn’t as competent and prepared as she is, but that is only because she loves him and wants him safe. That same care motivation can be said of Cain’s frustration over Flora constantly putting herself at risk to protect him because he doesn’t want his sister to die on his behalf. Most of their arguments in the book ultimately boil down to them loving each other and struggling to express it in any way other than throwing themselves around like shields, but there are a few silly bickering moments too to keep the authentic sibling annoyances alive.
RM: I think it’s a mix. When everything comes to light, Flora does believe she was protecting Cain and doing what was needed to keep them alive. Cain is hurt but also knows Flora well when he points out that she couldn’t just be thinking of him. Hiding secrets from him allowed her to stay in denial about the reality of their situation, but also maintain some degree of power over him. She finally got to be the one who could handle the heavy stuff. Since we’re in Flora’s head, I did have to keep all of this from the reader too, making Flora a bit unreliable. But there are subtle hints woven through that are obvious upon rereads and it’s been entertaining for me to hear about readers going back through to find those moments.
RM: I’m glad you liked her so much! I see Flora’s growth as a very non-linear path, because we watch her reinvent what it means to be strong several times over. In the flashbacks, we watch her reach where she is at the start of the NOW chapters—believing that feelings are weak and strength comes from suppressing all of that. Her survival for a long time was contingent on her closing herself off from the world. But going on the journey with Cain, Crisanta, and Adán shows her that living means more than just surviving. Welcoming in the possibility of more loss and heartbreak takes a lot of strength, especially when you’ve already endured so much, but there is nothing weak about feeling and caring. Flora, by the end of the story, is able to see that better and it allows her to feel and care for herself as more than just a vessel for keeping other people alive.
RM: Yes! Originally things were much more dramatic and action-movie-explosions-core, but it felt too cheesy. But I still wanted to pull them back in and do my version of “humans are the real monsters” by acknowledging the kind of eugenics-based rhetoric that would pervade an apocalyptic society like this and can be seen in our world when it comes to illness, disability, and pandemics. There’s an anthropological anecdote I love that states a key sign of society/community from the very distant past is healed femurs, because without modern medicine someone would need to be taken well care of for weeks to heal from that kind of bone break. Taking the time and energy to care for the most vulnerable is antithetical to how Crisanta and Adán’s old group operated, making them the enemy of humanity’s survival despite believing themselves fit enough to carry on mankind’s legacy. People like June are the only way humanity would have a chance.
RM: In apocalyptic media, especially with a pandemic element like this, it’s hard to wrap things up neatly and satisfactorily, so I always knew the ending for the type of story I was telling—where we weren’t hunting for a cure or a hidden society safe from the rest of the world—would have some ambiguity. What was most important to me was getting Flora to a place where she didn’t see her survival as something she had to earn in this abstract sense. Her life has meaning because it is hers. Writing for teens, I wanted to be very clear that Flora may not always want to survive or believe that she will, but her survival is just as meaningful and deserved as anyone else’s.
RM: Right now, I don’t have anything I’m allowed to share, but I plan on continuing to explore mental health in the horror space and hope to publish more speculative works and dabble in different genres in the coming years! Thank you for having me!
Emersen Cooper, Pine Reads Review Writer and Editor